the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
