you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
