I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
