why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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