I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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