remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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