There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
