i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So many bounce houses so little time
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
