if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
