i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
