so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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