Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
