Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
