brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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