Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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