just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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