just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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