I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
