so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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