I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
