last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
