I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
