the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize