My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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