I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
