We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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