That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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