I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
