then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
