i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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