Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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