I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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