the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
