there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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