the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
