I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
