I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize