Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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