The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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