so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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