M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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