I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
