Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
