i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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