Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
