So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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