If i come over, it means nothing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
