Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
