If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
