i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
