So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
operation have a gay friend backfired
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
