soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
