I haven't been this sober since birth.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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