i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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