i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
