I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
