I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
