my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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