well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
