Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
