I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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