I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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