How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
