marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You can't special order awesome
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
