I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
