Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
