Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
