turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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