But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
