how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
