He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
