i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
