and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
