theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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