Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
