i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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