....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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