When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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