when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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