Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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