theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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