You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
