You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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