Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
