I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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