What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
