dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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