I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
