I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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