They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
