her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
pop tarts are not kleenex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
