"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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