I'm so fucking centered right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
