Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
