I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
