I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
