He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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