I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
