she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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