There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
