Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
