brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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