Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize