They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
