Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize